The path is uncertain, but the ending is clear.

Today has been a day of reflection.  Someone told me that I "Dr. Phil" things.  Well, so be it.  I'm an introspective person and it's something I take pride in.  Yes, it has the probability of making situations harder than they need to be, but at least I know how I feel and what I think.  


As I was driving to pick up Emma today, I spent a lot of time thinking about my life.  I thought to myself that this isn't where my life is supposed to be.  But then I realized that it is...I wouldn't be here if it wasn't meant to be.  This whole ordeal has been a growing process for me.  I am more in touch and in tune with who I am and what I want out of life than I ever was before.  The "old" Melissa thought she had accepted what her life was, what her marriage was like.  And then she came to the point where she realized there was more out there.  That was a big step for me.  


For the first time in a long time, I could choose whatever path I wanted to go down.  I admit full heartedly that it took me awhile to figure out where I was going to head, but there's nothing wrong with that.  My life fell apart and it took me awhile to pick the pieces back up.  I'm waiting for the glue to dry on those last tiny pieces, but it feels great to know that I'm almost there - of course, with the help of my family, friends and prayer.  


The future still holds a lot of uncertainty, as life always does.  But there are two things that I know.  First, I have the most beautiful daughter in the world.  Without her, my life would have a lot less meaning.  I'm doing this for her.  Second, and it ties in to the first, I'm excited to see what's going to happen.  I know where we'll end up...but the journey there is without a doubt going to be entertaining to say the least.


This is a little off track, but dating sucks.  I hate it, hate it, hate it.  I've decided to take a step back and let this crazy ass life take me where it wants to go.  I know that I'll be happy.  I'll find that person.  Eventually, the time will come and all of this "nonsense" will make sense.  I'll find the person that loves me for who I am, that wants to be a father to Emma, raise her like his own; the man who laughs at my horrible stories, the man who looks at me with pure love in his eyes; the man who can't imagine life without me.  I'm excited to share my heart and what I have to give with someone.  Maybe I've met that guy, maybe not.  Obviously I hope that I've met him already, but until that day comes, I will sit back and enjoy the life I have today.  


It's not perfect.  I'm not perfect.  I'm a bad cook.  I'm emotional.  I'm ditzy.  I'm indecisive.  I'm scarred and I'm flawed.  But I own those things.  It's who I am.  I'm not ashamed.  I have a giant heart.  I am dedicated.  I want to dance to sappy love songs in the living room.  


And now it is time to sleep and see what tomorrow holds.